Turning Twenty-Two

Today, at 3:14 am, I had been born* exactly 22 years ago! Cue massive meltdown from yours truly when I woke up. This doesn’t usually happen on my birthday – I’m a big kid at heart & I simply love my birthday and all that it entails (gifts, cake, having fun). But today it was different. I feel old. I feel like I should have achieved more – put simply, I should either be in my first year of paid employment or doing my honours year of nursing. I should be living out of home, healthier than I am. I should, I should, I should…Instead, I am waiting for mid-year main round offers from UAC, so I begin a 4 year long trek to becoming an early childhood teacher. I am still at home. I’m really not as healthy as I thought I would be.
Does that mean I’ve failed? Does it all mean I haven’t done something right?
This morning, I thought it did. I thought it meant that I, myself, was a complete rotten failure. And then (as he often does) my wonderful Fiancé challenged my flawed thinking. He reminded me that I’m smart & beautiful. That I have a lot to offer the world. That yes, I have made some mistakes, but ultimately I have failed at nothing. The things I think I’ve failed at are just that – negative, illogical thoughts that need to caught and examined for any merit, discarding the bits that actually don’t fit. How lucky am I?
So in the end, my birthday has turned out to be a brilliant day (so far!) Thank you to my wonderful Matthew & fantastic friends who have helped make it so!
Sonja 🙂
*I don’t say “alive” because for me, alive began a lot earlier than my birth…