2013. Not my best year.

Oh, 2013.

What. A. Year.

I wish I could write an uplifting post about personal growth. About how much I’ve learnt about myself this year, got in touch with my inner self, matured, changed. In all honesty though, I haven’t much.

I spent the first sixth months of this year firmly in denial. I knew what I had to do by March, but I resolutely didn’t  do anything about it until June. It’s a painful, horrible thing to think that you are going to spend to rest of your life with someone only to work out that it would, in fact, be an incredible mistake if you did.

I have let myself be frozen by anixiety and fear. It’s no surprise to many of you that I failed 3 subjects and barely passed another 3. I have relied on old addictive behaviours instead of healthy coping stratergies. I have shut people out and held myself in.

Really, this year there is not much that I am proud of.

I hope next year will be better. I hope I put more effort into life. I have lived too long behind the veil of illness and insecurity (sometimes, with legitmate cause but often without).

For a month and a half recently, I was reguarly chatting to guy. A good, funny, kind, intelligant Christian man. He helped me see myself in a new, or rather, old light. Once upon a time, I was fearless and fun and full of life. I miss being that person. I know I can’t ever be exactly her again, but I want to try to regain some of the important parts of life. He has inspired me to be passionate again.

I have three friends who have been struggling in various stages of recovery from eating disorders this year. They want to get better and Iam inspired by their zest for life.

My sister is building  a house. My mum is standing up for herself. My dad is enjoying life again.

Next year, I hope to be proud of myself.

Advertisements

Things I Have Learnt This Semester

With exams over, I feel like it’s time to reflect on things I have learnt this semester:

  1. The grammar of the English language is HARD. When studying it, try and keep up to date with readings.
  2. Learning *how* to use play as a learning tool with young children is much less fun than actually playing with young children.
  3. Sociology will always and forever remain my favourite subject area…and statistics are not boring. Continue reading

The One With Monica’s Boots

The title of this blog comes from an episode of the show ‘Friends’. Basically, Monica buys some really beautiful, really expensive boots. She tells Chandler that the expense is ok – she can wear them with everything. Of course, the first time she wears them, she finds out that they are super uncomfortable! But determined not to lose face, she keeps pretending to wear them. She finally gets caught out after Chandler makes her wear them to a work function – and they have to walk a fair distance. She gives up, tells the truth and takes them off…and then promptly lusts after the same pair in a different colour that are on sale!  Continue reading

Feel The Fear…and Do It Anyway

Some of you may recognise the title of my blog, as the title of a book by Susan Jeffers – not so coincidentally it’s a book my therapist has been  encouraging me to read (on a side note: if anyone has a copy, I’d love to borrow it!). Anyway, I’m not writing about the book today. I’m not even writing about therapy really. I’m writing about a fear that all of a sudden crept up yesterday afternoon…this crazy, irrational fear I have of losing weight.

Continue reading

The Green Eyed Monster and Other Nasties

en·vy

/ˈenvē/
Noun
A feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck.
Verb
Desire to have a quality, possession, or other attribute belonging to (someone else): “he envied tall people”; “I envy Jane her happiness”.

Continue reading