Mental As….Sonja

I’ve sat down to write this a few times now, and deleted it over and over again.

It’s Mental Health Week in Australia – or month if you live in NSW. Obviously, this is a topic close to my heart. I believe that more people need to speak up about it, so that there can be greater understanding in the wider community that having a brain that is sick is no different, really, than have a body that is unwell.

The problem lies here: I want to write an uplifting post. I want to say that it all gets so much better and therapy and medication really help and there is an end in sight! In some ways, this is correct: I have overcome Bulimia Nervosa, the roots of which began when I was 8 (but that really took hold when I was 16). I no longer have any symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. These are two really big things that took a lot of hard work to achieve, and I am proud of them. Continue reading


Feel The Fear…and Do It Anyway

Some of you may recognise the title of my blog, as the title of a book by Susan Jeffers – not so coincidentally it’s a book my therapist has been  encouraging me to read (on a side note: if anyone has a copy, I’d love to borrow it!). Anyway, I’m not writing about the book today. I’m not even writing about therapy really. I’m writing about a fear that all of a sudden crept up yesterday afternoon…this crazy, irrational fear I have of losing weight.

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The Green Eyed Monster and Other Nasties


A feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck.
Desire to have a quality, possession, or other attribute belonging to (someone else): “he envied tall people”; “I envy Jane her happiness”.

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Today I had an UGLY CRY (well, several actually). For the uninitiated, an UGLY CRY is when you’re crying to hard that how have tears pouring down your face, snot dribbling out your nose and you can’t breathe properly, so you are forced to take those big gasping breaths. At the end, you generally feel quite good – if not happy, at least glad that things are off your chest.

Nothing really super huge happened to prompt the UGLY CRY session/s. It was just a lot of things.
Because my sister (who I love!) has managed to find the perfect job for next year.
Because she and her husband start the day off by praying together.
Because my chip packet had a best before date of 02/02/13, which was the date I was supposed to be getting married.
Because my mum keeps entering my room every area of my life without my permission or need or want.
Because I was having a ‘fat day’.
Because I have no money.
Because I couldn’t get in contact with Fiancé (he was at work).
Because the bus was late, so I missed my class.
Because exams are in a month.
Because of “all the oestrogen, George. Because of ALL the oestrogen.” (A Grey’s Anatomy quote – but it applies).

I then proceeded to rush off the Chatswood, hoping to find Fiancé after he finished work because what I needed more than anything was a hug from him. Somehow, I caught him just in time before he got on a bus. And he held me a told me that it was fine to cry. That he wished he had more time for me today, but that he will make up for it tomorrow. That he loves me. And so now, even though everything still sucks, I don’t feel the need to keep UGLY CRYING (at least for today.

Lots of my friends seem to having bad days, too. Is it something in the air?
If you’ve had a bad day, what / who helps?
When was the last time you had an UGLY CRY?