I know in the last post I wrote, I basically said I wouldn’t be blogging any more. At the time, I was thinking about all the crap that had come as a result of hiding behind this internet façade that I use. I’ve had some time to think it over and I’ve realised – I still have some important things to say and the internet is one place that I can get them out in full! Anyone, back to the topic at hand…
A little while ago, Fiancé & I were perusing a used book store where I live, when we happened upon “Boundaries” by Drs Cloud and Townsend. For $4, it was a total bargin and a very helpful book! It so clearly explains the concepts of boundaries in relationships, a concept that had been explained to us both in hospital, but never as clearly as it is in the book. I have really enjoyed reading it this week, learning new skills and testing them out. Something unexpected happened though…somehow, I have learnt to love my imperfectness.
I don’t know where it came from. I don’t know if it will last (I hope it does!) But since the day I set a challenge to myself to buy clothes that both looked good and felt comfortable (while ignoring the size label) I have felt so much more love for myself. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m not in pain all day, everyday? (Wearing jeans that are at least a size to small will do that to a girl…) Maybe it’s the fact that my parents have been away for just over 3 weeks, and I’ve had to decide what, where and when each meal will be? Maybe, just maybe, it is the culmination of so many therapy hours and so many prayers and the start of being ‘recovered’…Whatever it is, I like it.
My point is (and I do have one) that being able to love the imperfectness of yourself, allows you to better love others. At least, that is my truth. I starting to know a freedom now, that I don’t think I’ve ever felt before. For the first time, there is a voice inside me that encourages and says ‘yes, you are worthy, just as you are!’ I am so hoping I can hold onto it 🙂 My first challenge will come tomorrow, when the parents return home and some decisions will no longer be my own any more. But know this: I have a voice, and it will be heard…and we are all of us PERFECT just the way we are.