Looking at the title of this post, I feel quite conceited and self absorbed. I also feel a little bit scared. I am going to be talking about myself in real, honest ways which is not something one usually does on the internet. We hide behind our fake-ish personas and reveal only the things we want to. We delete the embarrassing things, censor our thoughts and words, say things we wouldn’t dream of saying in real life…
I was recently struck by this article on one of my favourite “blogsites” called KiKi&Tea. The lovely author T, talks about how “Beauty is not skin deep. Beauty is when your soul shines out through your eyes. Beauty is when people want to be around you, when people are drawn to you because of who you are. Beauty is about the person you are. Beauty is kindness, caring, humility, empathy… Maybe I’m pretty, maybe I’m not, I don’t really care – I’d much rather be beautiful. Pretty fades, but beauty never does.”
I know I am not what popular culture would define as “pretty”. I spent a good 5 years of my life actively trying to achieve this unobtainable goal and I ended up in hospital because of it. I have saggy boobs and wobbly arms. I have stretch marks everywhere. My BMI of 32 puts me firmly in the ‘Obese’ range. I have a pointy chin and wild hair. My tummy sticks out and my knees roll in. I have scars. The thing is, most of these things that I don’t like about myself are things that I couldn’t change anyway. The chin, the hair and the knees are all genetic. The stretch marks come from incredibly rapid growth during puberty, the breasts from malfunctioning hormones. My scars are the result of my mental illness. Sure, I could diet & exercise like crazy to get to my ‘healthy weight range’ (as determined by maths) but my mind would probably suffer for it. And in the end, what would I achieve?
I already have a gorgeous fiancé. I’m studying at uni. I have wonderful friends. I can dance and sing (quite well, apparently). I know God made me exactly the way I should be – “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Psalm 139:13-14) – and who am I to tell the Creator that he’s made me ‘wrong’? For so long I have focused on changing the inside, and forgotten about who I am on the inside. And anyway, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a person can be?
So now I leave you with some images & quotes to remind you that no one is perfect-looking, but everyone can be beautiful.
Including you. Including me.