Not a girl, not yet a woman (apparently)

I’m not a girl,
There is no need to protect me.
It’s time that I
Learn to face up to this on my own.
I’ve seen so much more than you know now,
So don’t tell me to shut my eyes.”

I have this problem, and I’m sure it’s not unique to me.
You see, I’m a twenty-something uni student still living at home with my parents. The cook for me and wash my clothes (we share the cleaning of the house).  This arrangement suits me fine most of the time…until we get into arguments over opinion / cleaning / my ‘space’ / what I’m allowed to do / what I should be doing. In a month, there is usually only a few days where I’m not actively fighting  (or in post fight wilderness) with at least one parent.They also seem to have a need to make a suggestion about every area of my life, and often come into my room without even knocking.  On top of everything uni / mental health / fiancé related, my home life gets to be utterly exhausting.

There is a ‘solution’, I know: Why don’t I just move out?
Well…it’s not actually a solution in my case. With no job, and a degree that demands from here in at least three unpaid prac weeks from me a semester, I have no money and no ability to earn any. I could go onto youth allowance (around $200/ fortnight if living away from home is not necessitated to go to uni) or newstart (more reasonable at over $400/fortnight, but with the added problems of needing to apply for TEN jobs / fortnight) . Neither of these amounts would even cover my living expenses in the Sydney private rental, even if I managed to find a flatmate that could deal with my neuroses…

So considering that my only real option, currently, is staying at home with my parents…What do I do?
How do I show them that I am, in fact, an adult?
How do I cope with their inflammatory remarks and encroachment on my space?
Basically…how do I tell them what my boundaries are, without isolating them? (or making them feel I’m ungrateful?)

 Please leave your advice / suggestions below (even if it’s just along the lines of ‘suck it up, princess!’)


4 thoughts on “Not a girl, not yet a woman (apparently)

  1. Hi Gorgeous
    Are you able to talk to your parents in some way or have someone act as a bit of a mediator…
    As hard as it is for you probably moving out of home would only increase your stresses.
    Wish I could say more 😦
    Shell xox

  2. I think what really helped me, (As I was in this situation last year) was realising how different I am to my parents, how I don’t want the same things as them -in fact I would be very unhappy with their lives- and how I don’t particularly like them or enjoy spending time with them. At that point after having a car crash and them being very intrusive and mean about it, I just got very angry to their faces and would have screaming matches. Told them to their face I don’t care what they think and that they need back off. YMMV of course, as your situation might be totally different.

    I still live at home with them now, and it’s mostly cordial but a bit frosty, if I’m at home I spend most of my time in my room. But I don’t hate living there now. I also got Rose Rosetree to cut the cord of attachments to each one. Which helped enormously as I can now objectively see that my mother is self-obsessed and not as nice a person as she thinks she is (she thinks everyone needs to make her happy rather than sorting her own life out and taking responsibility for herself). The one to my dad mostly involved my trying to not be angry at him, so that helped in that I let myself feel how angry I am (or was).

    Regarding my ex-boyfriend a stale and repeated “I am not going to discuss that with you, it is none of your business.”

    If they wanted to talk about whichever member of the extended family they hated “that’s none of my business -I am not going to discuss that with you”.

    Had to be harsh really. Their perceptions of who I was and their fears about life and other people in general (they are afraid of even hiring a plumber, in case they are ripped off) was all they cared about rather than the real me who they weren’t interesting in getting to know. Since that was all they cared about, they didn’t really care about me and as soon as I recognised that – their insults/comments/questioning was like water off the proverbial duck’s back!

    Unfortunately it’s in the culture (well in the U.K. and Ireland at least) that if you are having an issue with your parents it must be your fault because doi! they’re you’re parents! You MUST respecct your parents! They looooove you!

    The sooner you can shake that off the better.

  3. Pingback: All that I am thankful for | Confessions of a Twenty-Something Chocoholic

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