Anyone who knows me in real life, knows that I do not cope well with change. Admitadly, not many people do like change, but I seem to have a
special brand of crazy specific fear around anything that deviates from my “plan”.
Something recently happened (that I will share with you in the future) that has derailed my plan for the next few years, and it really, really terrifies me. It’s not as if my plan has been thrown out the window completely – it’s just a setback – but still, here I am, in this crazy state of epic anxiety. And yet, I’m kind of…hopeful.
It’s hard to explain without going into details (which, even though I love you my Internet friends, I can’t tell you yet!) but this change, this deviation from the plan is actually opening new opportunities and choices for the future; specifically for my growth, my happiness. So I now have a choice – I can be paralysed by the fear that comes from not knowing, not being in control (trust me, the ED part of my brain is going *nuts* about the lack of control…) or I can embrace this as a opportunity. I don’t know which way it’s going to go yet – still early days here – but even in the midst of uncontrollable tears, I still feel hopeful. That there is something better (that I have to wait for!).
I’m sure this post doesn’t make sense to anyone but me (or perhaps Miss L or my gorgeous sister?). What it comes down to is this: I don’t like change. This change scares me. I also excited about things this change will bring.
❤ Sonja 🙂